#23533
Fasoldgames
Participant

An interesting scene!

I have some observations, if you don’t mind 🙂

The action is smooth and uncluttered, in my opinion, without too many side-events or dialogs or overly long descriptions you see in some fantasy books, and it is quite intense, I found myself reading with excitement! Also, the war song thing, and how it changes, feels nicely fresh and new.

I did see some small things to be corrected, like putting on clothes, instead of pulling on clothes, and the mentioning of ‘basin’, the cave floor was not before described as a basin, so that gave me a moments pause.

But for the rest, I really liked it!

And I have been there too, showing your work to others, it is scary indeed 🙂 But you get used to it, and, as the saying goes : Fortune favors the bold! 🙂